From my own experience, when the inner judge and critic is around, the things I want most will not find their way to me and seem to, in fact, become worse, bigger and/or more annoying.
It wasn’t until I understood how to DETACH from the inner critic that my inner Self/Spirit could do it’s thing, which is to shepherd my wants, dreams and desires to me. My inner critic blocks. My inner Self allows me to move in the direction of my vision, dreams and wants.
Sound simple? That depends on you and how you approach it. The ticket for me is awareness. When I observe my habits of self talk, I can then begin to dismantle and detach like leaves detaching from the trees in autumn.
The practice goes like this:
– awareness in the moment the inner critic speaks up
– compassion for your whole self as you become aware
Since Autumn has arrived, I’ve been using it as a vehicle to practice any or all of the practices listed above. My husband has been teasing about my “compulsion” for going outside to sweep or rake up the leaves because there are so many more to come down. What he does not realize is that I am intentional about these leaf sessions. I call it Leaf Sweeping Therapy (LST). And there are so many benefits:
I spend about 15 to 20 minutes to sweep and then I can go back to my desk feeling very refreshed.
If my Ego were in the mix, it would judge the time I take away from my desk and thoughts about what to make for dinner, do I need to make a quick run to the grocery store?, why didn’t I exercise longer this morning, I’ll be sorry for having that ice cream last night, etc, etc etc and before I know it, I cannot get my arms around what I’m doing at my desk for my clients or employer.
Once I unhook from that kind of nonsense, I became a much happier, more productive person. The practice has served me so well, that I’m curious to see how it looks when there are no more leaves to sweep. I know I can shovel snow in the winter but how about the spring and summer? Stay tuned and find out.
In the meanwhile, how do you detach? What do you notice when you do?
If you are a manager, when you see the words:
on your calendar, what thoughts creep into your mind?
Do you look forward to them or dread them?
If you dread them, you’re not alone. However, if you are one of the few who DO look forward to them, my next question is:
Does the person on the receiving end also look forward to them?
There is a simple
effective and easy
You know you’re on track if the
evaluation is simply a formality.
If there are surprises
something is wrong.
What excites me about coaching is that it is a direct and simple yet powerful way to introduce people to their own life skill-set and process. It shows them how to engage those skills to bring order, effectiveness, satisfaction, and happiness to their lives.
These are skills and processes that can inform and effect every facet of ones life, both personal and professional. They are not complicated, and everybody possesses them, but often people don’t realize they have this “power.” I love introducing them and then watching the positive ripple effect.
Paula, a middle manager, felt that she was constantly being sabotaged. She felt defeated.
So Paula found me one day when she “wasn’t willing to take it anymore.”
That was step one of a changing equation.
Her boss was a hot head. But they had been good friends prior to their working relationship, which seemed to have ruined their social one.
Paula, to her credit, wanted to learn how to communicate with her boss. Truth be told, it took us nearly three months for her to realize that she wasn’t going to change him.
So I worked with Paula, through life coaching, to change what she did have control over and find ways of working that would bring more peace into her life.
One important way that Paula changed was to stick to politically correct protocol. Instead of engaging or giving her opinions, Paula would report just the facts to her boss.
When Paula removed herself personally from the situation, she stopped giving Hot Head her energy. She stopped investing any emotional energy in him.
Once the friend equation was removed, everything became much clearer. Paula saw where she had perpetuated the conflict and, now, how and when she could stop reacting and take a step or two back.
Paula got to neutral.
Neutral was a new concept to Paula, as it would be for many of us. It took her a while to understand it. And when Paula “got it,” she really got it! And she was able to apply this incredibly powerful strategy to other areas of her life.
Paula and I worked together for just over a year. Quite an investment for a reward that will last her the rest of her life.
Most coaching, life or business, takes place over the phone. And through the ether, a magical thing happens. You concentrate without distractions. You can speak freely, not bound by facial expressions. You can make notes.
Generally speaking, life, business, and sales coaching is about helping people identify what they want in their lives and business and how to get it.
In the beginning, we talk about overarching goals. What is each person’s vision for themselves and/or business? Then we look at where they are and what kind of work we’ll need to do to bridge the gap.
In the beginning, we break down steps and milestones and work on strategy.
Everyone is different and has a unique style. Some clients have one specific goal — to make a presentation, take their business to the next level or get a new job, for instance. Others want to be happier, and there many be several or even many goals under that overarching one.
The experience of coaching lasts anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, depending on your agreement with your coach. You and your coach talk about how often you’ll meet, usually two to three times a month.
How long a commitment? It’s up to you. Depending on the task(s) you want to work on, coaching may take weeks to several months.
I typically ask for a commitment of six months. Usually, after six months you’ve reached the momentum you need to keep changing your life as you’d like. Many of the people who work with me for three to six months contract for longer, but that decision is up to you.
Also, I’ve found that it takes about six months or so for each person to begin to use their new skills (having “unlearned” those that didn’t work) and gain traction.
Recently, a client who had enjoyed a full year of coaching few months ago, contacted me about having two follow-up sessions. He found that a “tune-up” was a great idea.
Remember, our first conversation is simply an exploration and at no charge to you.
How about, “Why do I deserve a coach?” Because we all do.
Note that coaches aren’t called “teachers” or “drill sargeants” or anything like that. A good coach knows that people can’t be taught or forced to do their best. Coaches find that core that makes you tick, help you work past obstacles, and chart your progress.
Coaching can do many things — guiding people to listen to their own voice, honor their own processes, and redesign their own lives are just a few.
That’s a simple explanation, of course.
There are many reasons you might consult a professional coach.
Perhaps your life isn’t where you want it to be, and you seek support and objectivity to articulate a new vision.
Perhaps you’re looking for a new career. Or you want to perform better in the one you have.
Or, perhaps you don’t want to change your life so much as prepare for a special event, meeting or presentation. No task is too small — if you’re having trouble breaking down the steps and getting it done, a coach can guide you forward and to completion.
You might need a gentle nudge. Or a real shove. Or an accountability partner. Or something longer term and more developmental.
Many of my clients need to get to level ground to begin to do their best work.
Getting to level ground means we detox old beliefs and thought patterns, challenge assumptions, and release the “old tapes” that work against progress. That’s where the fun of creating and designing begins.
If you’re reading this, I daresay something in your life has brought you here. And that you might benefit from working with a professional coach.
Consider me a resource, if you’d like more information or a complimentary chat.